River of poison

You are my river of poison,
Which flows in my veins because I allow you so,
Yet without this poison I cannot live,
But with this poison I can't even hardly breathe,
Come what may nothing surprise me anymore,
Poison is pain but pain is cure,
Sanity has gone through me,
Nothing is the same anymore,
Sadness overcome any joy,
Not that joy has come always,
Cause you are my river of poison,
Which flows in my veins because I allow you so,
It doesn't matter anymore,
Because you make it so,
I am neither here nor I am there,
Only waiting for a never ending story,
A wise woman once said,
None of us are tested above our capability,
I don't know whether that is true anymore,
I don't remember a day without tears,
Took away all my happiness.

Oh river of poison
can't you be my cure?
For I am losing myself everyday
For you are killing my will
I guess that is what you want
Tear me apart if you may
For now is just payback time
So you say
may Allay have mercy on me
Nowhere to turn to
Only to the Almighty

Oh river of poison still flowing everywhere
Life is too short to fight everyday
The life we chose in the past at our own will
Will we honour
Will we destroy
Not two lives but more

Oh river of poison stop poisoning me
For I am weak beyond reason,
Only holding on to prayers
Yet to be answered
Still hoping
But every day diminishing
Only into cloud of memories
So be it
My river of poison
Used to be river of love..........