What I missed most in life...

I missed out on having not to worry about anything in life... Life use to be what to wear , what to eat and when to sleep.. Now being a grown up there are a zillion things one need to worry and thinking and worrying about everything gives me headachce. I used to believe I am a happy go lucky person with temporary eccentricities... I also have a shopping problem.. but now being more mature there a lot of things in life you cannot have and will be denied of. For example when we were kids parents don't show the same treatment to all their children.. Favouratism is inevitable. But all parents love their children in one way or the other. I kind of miss having my sisters around the house.. i sometimes go back to my mother's house and explore the cupboards only to find some old memories... I also miss my dad terribly.. I would say losing him was the turnaround of my life...

Some people say you tend to marry your dad (the hubby who behaves like him).. I don't think so.. I think I just married the opposite.

Every girl has this fantasy some prince will come to your rescue and every body lives happily ever after. If every body lives happily ever after then suicide rate in this world would be zero. the real truth is nobody will love you forever or there is no such thing as living happily ever after.Things have to be worked out or they are just left hanging. There are a lot of anger in myself that i wish would subside but never will. I have come to a point in life where every variable is stagnant..ceteris paribus.. Nothing is new promises are meant to be broken. Love and hate often collide or love and hate is just the other side of the coin.

No success will be meaningful if the inner self is dying every day. No career move, increment, bonus, upgraded qualifications will make life merrier. Perhaps Lao Tze is right.. the mind needs its own peace and one should not always remain aggressive dictator like Ho Chi Minh..

Coming back on what I have learnt today is people always lose their money in the derivative market simply because there are so many speculators (derivative market was suppose to be use for hedging).

It is my hope I would pursue my PHD into something that would benefit the country-perhaps a new discovery or a check and balance of existing research.

By writing all of this down I feel a little bit more relaxed and perhaps a facial would further prolong the feeling... Till then a quote from finance " the higher the risk the higher the return' but not true in the every day life!

chiow..